I want to stick my p in your. b.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
