Soap is not a condiment
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize