I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
