we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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