i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
