If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
