Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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