She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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