I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
