PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize