Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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