Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
