If i come over, it means nothing
oh god the rape fog is back!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Walk of Shame today included voting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
