Can i not drive my cunt home
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
