Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

She said she didn't have time to shave "there"

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.

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(937): View more from Ohio

[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

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(716): View more from New York

He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents

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(619): View more from California

After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me

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(307): View more from Wyoming

One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

I think I can handle that.

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