it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
