R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
