I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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