$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
