You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
