Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
