Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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