his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
