Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
