So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
