i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
