I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
