No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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