His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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