Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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