census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
