I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The adults are the big ones right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
