she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
