I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
