I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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