i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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