All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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