I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My cat gives me a boner
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
