I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize