I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize