apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
