i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
