I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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