he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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