any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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