i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
