If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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