OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize