would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
