If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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