The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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