They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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