Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
