i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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