took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize