Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
