Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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