I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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