I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the day after is always just damage control
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
