he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
