Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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