I accidentally had phone sex last night
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize