I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
