think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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