I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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