i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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