WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize