I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
