That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
