spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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