Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
