I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
