i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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