Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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