Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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