Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
